Hometown Cooking with Teri Anne Stanley

A Dog Puke Sandwich By Any Other Name…

Mmmm. Betcha can’t wait to try this one, can you?
When I’m not dreaming up hot maintenance men or studly science geeks, I work in a research lab at the University of Cincinnati–with a lot of people from other places. Far and exotic places like China, Nigeria, India, or even Cleveland (man, let me tell you–that last person has some interesting cultural quirks).
Anyway.
We were recently invited to a departmental holiday party, and asked to bring a dish that was typical of our hometowns. I live in Northern Kentucky, kind of between Beaverlick, Sugartit, and Rabbit Hash (seriously).
For me, hometown cooking would have to include our most valuable ingredient, Velveeta, so when I RSVP’d, I promised to bring the best of the best: Dog Puke Sandwiches.
Now, some people call these “Hanky Panks.” Not “Hanky Pankys.” Pank not panky. Got it? My next door neighbor calls them Moose Poops.
Not only does this appetizer have the most disgusting name in the world, it looks absolutely foul, and it’s made of Velveeta and sausage. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this food.
And it’s the best thing you will ever eat, assuming you’re not a lactose intolerant vegetarian.

hanky-pank
Dog Puke Sandwiches (aka Hanky Panks)

2 lb spicy sausage (I get two rolls of hot breakfast sausage)
2 lb Velveeta (the whole damned brick, kids)
Loaf of cocktail rye bread

Brown the sausage, breaking it up as much as possible while it cooks. Drain the grease.
Cut the Velveeta into cubes. Eat a few of the smaller cubes. Go ahead. You know you want to. It can’t hurt you more than what these sandwiches are going to do to you.
If you need to, turn the skillet back on to help melt the cheese.
Before the cheese and sausage mixture completely congeals into lumpy concrete, mound globs of it onto the pieces of rye bread.
Bake in 350 oven for about 10 mins, until bubbly.
Eat ’em up!

One cool thing you can do with these is make them up, put them on a cookie sheet and DON’T bake them. Freeze them, slide them into a ziplock bag, and pop ’em back into the freezer for another time–instant yum.

OR, if you want to take this stuff as dip, I hear (though I have’t tried it myself) you can mix in a can of evaporated milk and take it in a crock pot to your party. This is supposed to keep it from getting too gummy. Then you can serve it with melba rounds. But then I guess it’s just dog puke, and not dog puke sandwiches, so it loses a little something.

Enjoy, ya’ll!